Stichomythia
by x.ethereal
Summary: A two-shot detailing Percy and Audrey's relationship from their fifth year until their early twenties. Featuring a too-snarky-for-her-own-good Audrey and the pompous and pretentious Percy we know and love.


Just a series of varied vignettes from Audrey and Percy's teenage years and their early twenties. I don't anticipate this being longer than 2 chapters (maybe 3 if I'm stretching it out a lot)! and I'll probably update with the next chapter in a couple of days.

I know it's rated M but that's just paranoia on my part- I really won't be writing anything explicit here. I hope you'll enjoy and as always, all characters belong to the wonderful J.K. Rowling :).

* * *

The first time Percy met Audrey he spent an hour berating her for kissing a boy in a broom closet and another hour berating her for being caught out of bed after hours.

Percy Weasley was fifteen at the time; recently branded a prefect, Percy liked to patrol the corridors three times a week, proudly displaying his glittering prefect badge (which yes, he did take to polishing once a day, every day) and scolding unsuspecting students for doing very un-Percy like things. Audrey Perkins was fourteen and very fond of doing un-Percy like things (like, for example, sneaking down to the kitchen and coaxing the house elves into giving her more food than she knew what to do with or kissing very attractive Quidditch players in broom closets after hours).

"Don't you realize it's almost twelve o'clock at night?" Percy demanded, scowling at them both and grasping the parchment and quill in his hand tightly. "You're not supposed to be out after hours!"

Audrey narrowed her eyes at him and crossed her arms over her chest. "Of course we do. I have a watch." She gestured to her wrist and watched as Percy's already pink face flushed an even darker shade of crimson. He glared at her and pushed his horn-rimmed spectacles up his nose as he glanced down to scribble something on his parchment, before fixing her with a very serious stare.

"Miss- er, Perkins-"

"Have we met? You'll have to excuse me, but I haven't the faintest idea what your name is."

"MISS PERKINS, I notice that this is the third time you've been caught out of bed after hours in the past week. Since this is your fourth time- and given that Miss Clearwater and Mr. Hilliard have already docked thirty points from you- I must put you down for a detention this weekend. You'll receive further information about your punishment and the location of your detention in a day or two and seeing as you're a-" he glanced down at his scroll and Audrey watched with dismay as his scowl deepened, "- _Gryffindor_ , you'll be expected to see Professor McGonagall about it beforehand."

Having administered the administrative duties of his role (Jason, Audrey was disappointed to learn, would not be serving out a weekend detention having carefully managed to flirt his way out of being written up by Gemma Farley on Monday night in order to ensure he wouldn't sit out Saturday's Quidditch match against Gryffindor), Percy tucked away the quill into his pocket and fixed Jason and Audrey with a withering stare. Unrolling several pieces of parchment, he handed two copies to Audrey and Jason before clearing his throat.

"I have provided you both with copies of the school rules. In light of your inability to understand the simple enough language that details explicitly how you are _not_ supposed to be out after hours- especially given the multiple warnings regarding the corridors-"

"Professor Dumbledore only said portions of the third-floor corridor were dangerous. If you haven't noticed, we're on the sixth floor."

This threw Percy into another fit. Red-faced and fuming, he droned on about the particulars of the rules for another half hour. Unimpressed with HIS inability to follow curfew, Audrey stepped in again on page six, determined to put an end to Percy's tirade.

"Mr. Weasley," she sweetly reminded him, nodding at her copy of the rules, "whilst I am deeply appreciative of your ability to carry out your prefect duties to a T, I must express some disappointment of my own. I have, on multiple occasions, walked in on you and a certain other prefect engaged in rather INAPPROPRIATE activities-"

"Oh crikey, Audrey, you've done it now," Jason managed to splutter, before succumbing to hoots of laughter as Percy fixed Audrey with the most thunderous, furious expression she'd ever seen.

Well, she had thought to herself as she got into bed two and a half hours later, even if it _had_ been a long night at least it had been an interesting one.

* * *

She had taken the job because she couldn't bear the thought of a desk job. Fresh out of Hogwarts, Audrey hadn't even bothered to consider the various job offers that had landed in the post. She had only applied to the Ministry because Professor McGonagall had refused to entertain the thought of Audrey lounging about in her room for a year (" _NINE O.W.L.S. AND SIX N.E.W.T.s. AND NO CAREER ASPIRATIONS? Miss Perkins, you will most certainly take a look at these brochures and apply to no fewer than six departments!"_ ). Despite her parents' delight that Audrey could have her pick of jobs, she had steadfastly refused to respond to any of the offers. A few days into her summer holiday, Audrey had returned home and informed her mother that she would be working at an independent bookshop in Diagon Alley and that nothing she could do or say could persuade her to do any differently.

(Audrey's mother hadn't had the slightest inclination of persuading Audrey to do anything differently; her stubborn daughter had stopped heeding her advice the moment she had set foot in Hogwarts.)

It was just stupid, Audrey thought as she stocked the bookshelves with the morning's latest shipment of _Witch Weekly_ , that anyone should be expected to settle down in a monotonous career at the age of seventeen. She didn't know what she liked- only that she most definitely did _not_ want to become a Healer- and she hadn't had enough time to recover from the stress of Hogwarts to allow herself to be immersed in the stresses of a full-time job.

So, naturally, she had decided to seek out temporary employment in Diagon Alley. It had been hard to find something at such short notice- Madame Malkins and Florean Fortescue's Ice Cream Parlor had turned her away with promises of being able to secure employment for her in late September- and Audrey had wanted to start as soon as possible; summer in the Perkins household meant having to put up with her both her mother _and_ her father (Audrey's father worked with computers and spent most of the school year up in Liverpool with his IT shop). Luckily for Audrey, Whizz Hard Books had been severely short-staffed. Within minutes of her inquiry regarding their openings, Mike had rushed into the room, pushed his assistant aside and told her she was hired.

And anyway, it wasn't like she didn't like where she was working. She would have probably preferred Flourish & Blotts, but Whizz Hard Books was all right. Audrey liked books and Mike had told her she was more than free to borrow anything off the shelves ("Anything, that is, except the new shipments, which you're not allowed to go near until you stop stuffing your face with Sugarplum's cauldron cakes," Mike had warned her, hitting her over the head with a rolled copy of _The Daily Prophet_ when he'd seen her munching a particularly scrumptious cauldron cake near the recently delivered brand-new editions of _Hairy Snout, Human Heart_ ).

A loud racket from the front of the shop startled Audrey and she looked up to see a gangly individual trip over the stack of newspapers near the front door. She watched as he turned red, muttered something about the terrible organization of the shop and came up to the front desk, where he impatiently rang the bell.

"Did you require something in particular?" Audrey asked, shoving the unstacked books to the side of the shelf and coming up behind the counter. Finally getting a good look at the customer, she blinked a couple of times and smiled.

"Well Mr. Weasley, I would have never pegged you for the sort to visit Whizz Hard Books."

Percy Weasley gave Audrey an odd look and squinted at her suspiciously. "Am I supposed to know you from somewhere?" he asked, his eyes roving her face as he attempted to connect her face with a name in his memory.

Audrey shook her head. "I suppose not. You gave me and my friend a very lengthy scolding once and more than a week of detentions."

"Ah, Miss Audrey Perkins. From what I recall, he wasn't much of a friend- at least not from the angle I was standing."

"Touché." She smiled and nodded at the thick folder he had under his arm. "You don't look like you're here on business. I'm afraid we only carry sports-related books. You might want to stop over at Flourish & Blotts."

"For your information," Percy haughtily answered, placing the folder on the desk and pulling out a pristine piece of paper, "I was well aware of what you do and don't carry. I'm here to pick up a couple of books on the history of Quidditch and-" he thrust the list of titles towards Audrey, which, she noted with disgust was printed on a piece of paper with the Ministry's logo all over it –"the latest edition of _Seeker Weekly_." At Audrey's raised eyebrows, he shrugged.

"The World Cup is soon and it's imperative to know the latest in the standings. Besides," he added, shooting Audrey an uncharacteristic grin that made him appear vaguely handsome, "I love Quidditch."

It wasn't like she would have known that. Audrey absolutely hated Quidditch at Hogwarts- she thought the players were all rubbish and only turned up to critique the House Cup final- so she hadn't attended many games. It was professional Quidditch she was interested in; a long-time supporter of the Holyhead Harpies, Audrey had spent most of her weekends tuning into the live coverage of her favorite team's matches on the wireless.

She pocketed the list of titles and started rummaging through a couple of the bookshelves behind her; the titles on Percy's list were so obscure that she doubted the shop would have them all stocked. To distract him from this sad reality, Audrey decided to talk to Percy about what she knew recent Hogwarts' graduates most loved to talk about: themselves.

"Where are you working?"

"The Department of International Magical Cooperation, under Mr. Crouch," Percy told her pompously.

Audrey groaned inwardly but pressed on, determined to make Percy forget about the fact that it was highly unlikely they had more than three of the seven titles on his list. How on earth were they supposed to stock _Quidditch: A Professional and Educational History of the Most Exciting Wizarding Sport since 1300,_ a book that had been out of print since the late seventeenth century?

"Sounds like a difficult job to get for a recent Hogwarts graduate."

"Oh, it is. They told me they don't usually accept graduates this young but they were immensely pleased with the N.E.W.T. results I applied with."

"Sounds like you're just the hidden gem they were looking for," she commented drily. She held up the four copies she'd managed to unearth and pushed them towards him.

"I'm afraid we only stock those ones. I'm not sure where you'd look for the other three but I can guarantee that you'd have to find some pretty obscure, shoddy bookshop in order to locate them. They haven't been in print for years."

"That's awfully disappointing. Mr. Crouch won't be pleased, you know."

"Do send him my sincerest apologies." She tallied up the total and started bagging the books. "That'll be twelve galleons."

Percy glared at her and crossed his arms over his chest. "You know, you could have been working as an apprentice somewhere in the Ministry too, if you'd applied yourself," Percy informed her, handing her a handful of gold coins, "But clearly you thought having dalliances with boys was a better way to spend your more formative years at Hogwarts. Good day." He sniffed, plucked the bag off of Audrey's dangling wrist and made for the exit.

In response, Audrey stuck her tongue out at his retreating figure.

* * *

"You look different today."

Percy Weasley had drifted into the store and was eyeing Audrey's outfit of the day with a mixture of confusion and slight disdain. Audrey rolled her eyes at him and adjusted the splendid pointy hat on her head so that the emblazoned double _H_ s faced Percy. This seemed to do nothing to lessen Percy's confusion and he continued to stare at her cloak and head with the same expression, occasionally narrowing his eyes at the thick chains on her neck.

"Were you hoping to buy something?" Audrey asked, turning away from him and beginning to sort through a thick stack of yellow books that had been deposited in the back room that morning.

She felt Percy shift in front of her and looked up to see his face coloring little. He didn't seem to have come in to buy anything- at least that's what Audrey assumed, given his harried look and the crumpled newspapers tucked into the crook of his elbow- but she never really knew with Percy. He deposited the crumpled newspapers onto the counter and began thumbing through a copy of one of the bestsellers that was hanging around near Audrey. He frowned and then looked up at Audrey again.

"What _are_ you wearing on your head? And why are you wearing that horrible shade of yellow and what on earth is on your face-"

Audrey glared at him and took off the hat. "It's Saturday."

Percy rolled his eyes and raised an eyebrow. "It was Saturday last week. You were dressed perfectly normally."

"It's Saturday the _15th_. Don't you know what day it is?"

"Er, right. I'll have these two." He decided not to ask and instead deposited two thick Quidditch related volumes on the counter and stepped back, looking out of the window behind Audrey's head and chewing his lip. He seemed to be lost in thought as Audrey rang up the total and stuffed the books into a shimmery silver bag emblazoned with quills and stars.

"4 galleons and 2 sickles. Although I'll throw in a special edition World Cup bookmark if you'd rather not fork over the sickles." She nodded towards the blue and red stack of Quidditch World Cup bookmarks that was gathering dust along with the rest of the World Cup merchandise in the corner of the store. Two weeks into the Cup, Audrey had quickly realized that people were simply not interested in investing in merchandise for teams that seemed doomed to failure (the British Quidditch teams were performing spectacularly poorly).

Percy eyed the bookmarks warily and shook his head as he dug around in his pocket for money. He placed a couple of coins on the countertop and made to take the bag of books before he colored a little.

"I wanted to ask you a question, actually."

"Is it about the bag? I know you're not into flashy things but I really can't do anything about it. It's part of the décor. I told Mike that we should really think about switching to gold instead of silver- silver is so tacky- but he insists on it-"

"No, I- you know what, never mind. Forget it, it was a silly thought anyway," he muttered and turned around and hastily made for the door. Audrey watched his retreating figure bemusedly and blinked when he abruptly turned around, his hand on the knob, and stared pointedly at the hat on her desk.

"They won't win, you know. The Harpies don't stand a chance against the Wasps. At least not with the way the Wasps have been training. Half of them play for England."

* * *

Early morning sunlight, streaming in through the half open blinds, made Audrey acutely aware of two facts. The first (and the lesser of the two evils): Percy Weasley did not have red hair. No, he possessed curls of every shade of red: brick red, copper, scarlet, ginger and something that was slightly akin to auburn at the roots. The second: she had done a very stupid thing (and 'done' was a good way of putting it).

It wasn't like she'd planned to sleep with Percy! Not at all. The night had started out innocently enough. She'd been in the shop, clearing up and sorting out the bookshelves when Percy had wandered in (this wandering in of his had become somewhat of a habit, she'd noticed) looking more uptight and miserable than she'd ever seen him before.

Naturally, Audrey had decided to make conversation.

"We're almost closed," she had told him pleasantly, shooting him a smile over the top of the shelf she was currently dusting, "So you'd better decide what you want quickly. I haven't any inclination to stay here past eight."

Percy had shot her a bewildered look. "Does it _look_ like I'm here to buy a book?"

"I make no assumptions. Terrible things to make, assumptions."

"Look…I know this is a little bit out of the ordinary, but I've had a rather awful day and I know you like drinking and no one I know likes drinking and I'd really appreciate some company and I thought you might be interested."

He had said it all in a rush and without taking his eyes off her, as if he felt that breaking eye contact would induce her to say anything but yes. Audrey had paused and stared at him, perplexed. It wasn't often –or, more accurately, at all- that she had Percy Weasley (perfect, upstanding, cross your T's and dot your I's prefect Percy Weasley) stride into her workplace and ask her to get pissed with him. At least she had assumed he wanted to get terribly drunk, judging from his rumpled clothes and wild expression.

She decided to confront the more pressing problem first.

"Do I look like the kind of person who likes to get pissed out of my head on a Tuesday night?" she demanded, crossing her arms over her chest and coming up to stand in front of him.

"Quite frankly, yes."

"And what would give you that impression?"

He nodded at her purse, strung up behind the register. "Half your receipts are from some bar or other. They're always littering the floor of the shop. Besides," he added, shooting her a judgmental look, "you're not the most pleasant person on Wednesday mornings, which I'm going to assume is courtesy of a hangover."

"Yeah, well you're not the most pleasant person…ever."

That had been a poor attempt at a comeback, and she'd known it but she hadn't felt like putting her whole heart and soul into being snarky. She'd already been sold on the idea since he'd mentioned it; she might not have particularly enjoyed being around Percy, but she most definitely enjoyed being around alcohol and even insufferable know-it-alls like Percy were a lot more bearable after three- or six- Firewhiskeys.

She has already slung her bag over her shoulder and picked up the keys to the door before Percy could try attempt number two at convincing her to go out with him.

"You picked me on a good night," she had told him conversationally, as she put up the CLOSED sign and fumbled with the lock, "Tuesdays are quite probably the best nights to get shitefaced. Monday is too early- you haven't had enough of the week to know it's going to be rotten. And Wednesday is too promising- it's on that uphill curve to Thursday and Friday, and you know everything's going to be all right when the weekend is on the horizon. Tuesday is just right for going out and drinking away all your worries."

And drink away their worries they had. She groaned and reached out her arm to grab her wand, in an effort to shut out the horribly intrusive sunlight. She was experiencing one of the worst hangovers she'd ever had and all she wanted was to lie in bed, consume copious amounts of water and block out all light, movement and noise. Crawling further under the covers, she berated herself for the spectacular mess of things she'd made last night.

When they'd reached the pub, Audrey hadn't planned on drinking anymore than one or two Firewhiskeys- maybe a Muggle drink too if she was feeling particularly buzzed, but nothing too extreme. It was Percy she needed to get drunk, not herself. And anyway, she hadn't even had a shitefaced-worthy couple of days. Mike had even dangled the possibility of a raise in the near future.

But Percy, as Audrey had quickly learned, needed guidance. It was clear from the way he eyed the first drink she'd ordered for him that Percy had no idea what it meant to truly get shitefaced. Sliding the drink towards him, Audrey had nodded to her own and then at the bartender hovering to the side of them.

"Come on, drink up. You're not even on your first drink yet and I'm planning to put at least four or five more in you before the hour's up. Don't worry about the cost- Simon is an old friend and he's promised to give me a discount."

Percy had taken a huge gulp, coughed and downed the rest of it. "It's not the cost I'm worried about. It's more what I might end up spewing."

Audrey had shrugged and swirled some of the ice in her cup around. "I dunno, I always feel better after letting out what's been bothering me. And you have the comfort of knowing I won't judge you since, firstly, I'm not you and, secondly, I already don't think very highly of you anyway. Simon, we'll have another two, please. Same as before- maybe a little stronger, though?"

Choosing to ignore her dig, Percy had cleared his throat and stared anywhere but at her. He was already looking a little bit more relaxed- his cheeks were tinged pink and he had loosened his tie and unbuttoned his cloak to relieve himself of the stifling heat in the pub. Audrey would have thought, given the heat wave they'd been experiencing, that The Lamb and Flag would have installed at least some temporary fans and air conditioners in the pub but the management had decided to be cheap and skimp out: in response to customer complaints, the windows had been unlocked and opened. As if _that_ had made any difference whatsoever.

"I did a stupid thing."

"What, you turned in six inches of parchment for your report on cauldron thickness, instead of four?"

"I haven't written reports on cauldron thickness for at least nine months now. I thought you would have known that I work under the Minister now."

"Maybe next time you'll choose to fill me in on that interesting development before taking me out to get drunk. I can't be expected to research the inner details of your life every time you prance into the shop. And stop staring at your drink; I didn't buy it for you to admire, I bought it for you to get drunk off."

"I got into a fight with my parents."

"Hmm, well that is stupid." Having never been particularly close to her parents, Audrey hadn't agreed with her comment in the slightest but decided that Percy was one of those model boys who never did anything to make mummy and daddy mad.

In response to her comment, Percy had shot her an appalled expression. "It wasn't stupid in the least! They were being idiotic, aligning themselves with people who were going to lead them to their doom and I was very clearly in the right. It drove me mad that- that they acted like I was the enemy! No, I'm well glad to be shot of them and their stupidity. It's not that…I went to see my girlfriend afterwards and I told her that I might be needing a place to stay- she lives in London and I thought it might be convenient- but she demanded to know why I was asking and I stupidly decided to be honest. She didn't want to have anything to do with me afterwards." He had looked down mournfully at his empty glance and gestured to Simon for a refill. "I've never seen Penny so angry."

"You must have done something stupid then, if Penny was that angry."

"Well yeah- I told her the truth-"

"Sod your honesty- which, in my opinion, is possibly the only non-stupid thing you did all day- I meant your parents. Must have been a stupid fight on your part if your girlfriend broke it off with you on account of it."

"It wasn't just that…she said a lot of stuff too, about my job and the papers and the media. Things I'd never heard before. I thought we wanted the same things- we'd been together for so long and everything seemed like it made sense." He had started slurring his words at this point (Audrey hadn't been clear headed herself) and she had smiled, pushing her own half consumed drink towards him. She had patted his back and nodded at the glass.

"Nothing soothes a broken heart more than downing a bit of Firewhiskey. You know, I'm surprised it lasted this long. I haven't even talked to any of my exes from Hogwarts."

"Penny was different. _We_ were different…"

Penelope Clearwater had been the subject of Percy's mumblings for another hour and memories of her hair, her skin and her conversation had carried him through another three drinks. It was at this point that Audrey should really have stepped in and transported him home (she briefly had remembered him mentioning something about temporarily staying at the Leaky Cauldron) but she hadn't been in the right state of mine. Alcohol had obscured her ability to think clearly and that, combined with Percy's increasingly lower voice, had caused her to shift so close to him that she could feel his breath on her face whenever he said anything. It had tickled and she had liked it. A lot. Liked it so much in fact that when he'd asked her a question and made eye contact with her while he waited for her answer, she had thrown caution to the wind and kissed him.

Yes, Audrey Perkins had lost complete control of herself and kissed Percy Weasley. She hadn't even been attracted to him! She was positive if it had been any other boy there and she had been as drunk as she had been, she would have kissed him too. It hadn't even surprised her when Percy had kissed her back, wrapping his arms around her waist and whispering things into her ear between kisses (protesting his own drunken lust for her? Complimenting her on how she smelled like his favorite editions of _Seeker Weekly_? She had been too drunk to know). It hadn't taken too long for things to get a little bit heated and for Simon to disgustedly shake his head at Audrey, promise to send her bill in the mail and promptly kick them out of the pub.

They'd kissed the rest of the way back to her flat (she wasn't about to go gallivanting through the streets of London so late at night with an equally drunk Percy in search of the Leaky Cauldron) and she'd found herself completely up for the suggestion of drunk sex when Percy had suggested it.

As she massaged her throbbing forehead, Audrey thanked Merlin she didn't remember the sex at least. Were it not for the naked man in bed with her, she wouldn't have even suspected anything had happened after the last couple of drinks. But the sight of Percy, sprawled across her bed, brought the events of yesterday evening rushing to her mind and she groaned. She didn't need to think about how nice kissing Percy Weasley had been. She needed to focus on how she was going to remedy the situation.

Moments later, Percy stirred, cracked an eye open, noticed Audrey's pale skin lying inches from his and shot her a horrified look. "Please tell me we didn't."

Audrey ignored him. Best to strike early. "I did not seduce you. You drove me to excess. I am helpless at the sight of unlimited alcohol and I cannot be expected to take any responsibility for events that take place following my consumption of large quantities of it."

" _Merlin_ , Audrey this isn't the time for your snark. I can't believe- it hasn't even been 24 hours since Penny and I broke up!"

"On the contrary, there's always time for my snark. If you and Penny were doing so well, where was your condom last night?"

Percy spluttered and grasped her hand tightly as he ran a frazzled hand through his unkempt hair. "Audrey, please tell me you're joking. We couldn't have had...no, I'm always so careful-"

"Nope. It wasn't there. You never once brought it up. I was rather put out you know; you're always going on about how careful and methodical you are and here you were, not paying one iota of mind to the consequences of your actions." Audrey tutted and gently extricated herself from Percy's death grip.

"I'm off to make some breakfast. If you're interested in having anything, just pop downstairs. I'd rather you were dressed first, though," she added, picking up a couple of Percy's strewn clothing and tossing it back onto the bed. Perhaps if she didn't make a big deal of things, he'd also quickly catch on and act like nothing had happened. Because nothing had happened. This was the same situation she'd found herself in dozens of times before except, generally, the other party was not as frazzled and conscience-ridden as Percy Weasley was.

A foray into her cupboards reminded Audrey of just how terrible a morning-after hostess she was. "On second thought," she yelled, "I'm only able to offer you very terrible coffee and toast." She tossed the empty box of cornflakes into the dustbin along with an expired carton of milk and some molding cheese. Cutting up some rather pitiable looking bread, she thrust it into the toaster and started heating up some water. She only ever bought instant coffee, preferring to depend on Mike for her morning coffee, and she never stocked anything other than milk in her fridge, which rendered her coffee very bitter, very devoid of cream, and very terrible.

It had been so long since she'd made toast at home that she'd forgotten how much she couldn't depend on her toaster for decent toast. As it popped up, she fingered the burnt, crisped edges mournfully and sighed.

"Just thought you should know, the toast is burnt," she told Percy, handing him the toast and a mug of coffee with a flourish as he strode into the kitchen. He eyed the toast with disbelief and shoved it back onto the counter.

"Audrey this isn't the time to talk about toast. Look, what you were saying about the condom-"

"Don't hand the toast back to me! I can't let a perfectly good piece of bread go to waste. Are you really going to have _that_ on your conscience too?"

"Could you, for once, not worry about the irrelevant things in life-"

"I'll stop worrying about them when you start munching on my toast. And drink your coffee. I don't have any sugar but you look like the type to drink your coffee black."

Percy _didn't_ look like the type to drink his coffee black and Audrey knew this but she needed to get rid of the coffee somehow. He looked like the type to drink his coffee with ample amounts of cream and several spoonfuls of sugar. Scratch that. Percy didn't look like someone who would even drink coffee. Everything about him screamed TEA-DRINKER.

Running a hand through his hair, Percy sighed and reluctantly bit into the toast. He made a face, placed it back onto the plate, and took a sip of the coffee gingerly.

"Audrey, this is absolutely terrible."

"I told you it was very terrible coffee and burnt toast. What did you expect?"

"Look, I just want to get this conversation over and done with. We did something highly stupid last night and clearly it was a mistake on both of our parts- though I don't think it would have gone as far as it did if you didn't keep on insisting that your friend put more alcohol than necessary into our drinks- but I think we just have to deal with the consequences. Now, I can't believe the condom situation even happened but as such, I think you have to know that if you do end up pregnant and you do choose to keep the baby then I'm fully willing to pay my portion of child support, despite, you know, not being paid that highly at the moment given the circumstances-"

"Oh, really Percy." Audrey rolled her eyes at him and disgustedly picked up her plate and thrust it into the overflowing sink. She crossed her arms over her chest and looked heavenward. "You needn't worry. I, unlike some people, _never_ forget my birth control."

* * *

If their outing seemed a bit sudden to you, it wasn't. Even though Percy and Audrey aren't really _friends_ at this point, they frequently banter because Percy is a frequent visitor of the bookshop (you know, since he's always in Diagon Alley picking up coffee for Mr. Crouch or trying to obtain the latest copy of _Seeker Weekly_ ).


End file.
